by Family Law Attorney Tom Marks
I just finished reading an interesting book entitled “Leadership in the Crucible of Work” by Sandy Shugart. A crucible is essentially a hardened ceramic vessel in which chemical reactions take place under great heat and pressure. The author applied that concept to the heat and pressure many of us feel in the work environment.
I would like to take that one step further into the realm of family law and when our clients find themselves in the crucible of family law.
Take all of the hopes and dreams of a marriage with children, the family home, incomes, bank and retirement accounts and all the debt looming over everything and then pour all that into the crucible we call a dissolution of marriage.
The financial, communication and other relational issues that have brought the marriage to this place are now poured into a petition for dissolution of marriage and put under great heat, pressure and reactivity.
Financial pressure of the marriage is heightened because now the parties cannot live as well financially in two separate households as well as they did in one. They cannot communicate as well separately as they might have when they were together and they are further estranged from one another as they move further and further apart, geographically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.
However, sometimes under great pressure people can rise to the top and produce something even stronger than before. Like melting iron and copper together in the crucible to form bronze, some people grow stronger and more resilient through this difficult process we call divorce.
Sometimes it is necessary because of abuse, abandonment and infidelity. That is not to say divorce is always the answer. It is certainly not. But sometimes its result is something stronger, more focused and more resilient.